A New Start

Hi all,

It has been a really long time for me since I actually wrote something on here. Its been a long few months with my cousins wedding, applying for jobs, social work school and the holidays. Now things have quieted down I am about to come clean. Life after liquid has been really hard and during liquid too.

In 2011 I started the process for bariatric surgery and didnt do my legwork. I was medically cleared and then my insurance denied me. So then I decided to do optifast. I then got really desponded and upset over this. Then I decided to do Optifast.

Optifast seemed to be the answer for me at the time despite the 95% rate and I did well with Optifast I lost 81lbs! But there was NO transition plan. I decided to try Weight Watchers before I knew it I gained back all the weight and then some. I lied to myself for the past few months worked out and had a lot of problems. I said to myself something has to be done. 

So finally everything with my life seemed to fall into place, my Mom is getting better, I landed a great job and have wonderful health care coverage. I also got into Social Work School. I knew that now was the time for me to do this. I had wanted to do this surgery for a long time. But I needed my parents approval mostly my Mother's. She would hate the idea of me having elective surgery she did not do well enough with the gallbladder fiasco of 2012. 

Well this is how it went: We are sitting visiting a family member at a rehab place they had an injury. My mom starts complaining about her weight and that she wants to have surgery and she was joking I blurted out Mom I am having it done I have already decided to go to seminar. She said go for it Katie. I then decided to go for it. This is how it all has happened 

1. I called the surgeons office and decided to go with another group and called my new insurance company and I do have the beenfit. 

2. Went to seminar and the support group and saw my PCP I am now gonna have surgery!

An Afterthought

It has been a long time since I posted anything because I felt there has not been anything worthwhile for me to post. I am currenlty sitting in the school library studying for midterms with my water bottle, protein bar and diet coke all near me. Thank God 

I have been away for the past week and damage was done. Vacation and dieting to me are insane usually when I go away with just my parents I am able to plan ahead because they always choose healthy restaurants and ALWAYS include me in on the planning. That way I have some smeblance of control. I always look up places on my ipad or iphone before I go and I plan around that. Weight Watchers teaches us this tool and you stick to your plan. 

The first part of the trip was different it was my cousins wedding, I was the maid of honor and had no choice as to what was already pre planned. My aunt had ordered food for us months ago and I was told I was having chicken and fish that was it. Well I did not expect it to be unhealthy versions of chicken and fish. 

Air travel and dieitng is a nightmare. You are held hostage by security restrictions usually, but this time I was rather lucky as my Mother is recovering from an auto immune flare and uses a wheelchair to go long distances and was considered disabled by the airline. I was her designated companion which meant I was able to go through with her through TSA. As I was being federally violated I realized something my protein bars got through as did my almonnds from home and my huge ass tub of purell. But I only had enough for the morning.  My father has the rest of my snacks in his bag and they were confiscated cause he was not my Moms designated companion. 

After we went through we were treated like royalty and my Mom desrves this treatment. After all the good she gave out over the years as being a teacher and most of all an amazing Mom to me. Well we got bumped off our fligth and moved onto another airline. So we left earleier than usual and HAD no food or stop over. We had planned our meals around this. So I was stuck eating airline food.. gross 

The next day was the bridesmaid brunch and we went to this place I was late as my hotel was out of the city and everyone was staying there later on in the weekend we had booked there already. I wasd riving the rental car with my Dad and were late and since it was brunch and my cousin is type a and she had things to do she ordered for me. Fried French toast I ate it and itwas amazing but it was fatenning. 

So we go  on the rest of the day I go back to the hotel and then it is time for the rehearsal dinner. It was pre planned so I had chicken but tons of carbs and too much booze 

The day of the wedding was rough too but I pulled through. 

The rest of the vacation was ok... 

Where I am going with this is that dieting while away is difficult. It would have been easier to be on product or something. 

I did ok only came back with a five lb gain 

Life After Liquid The Food Back in the Equation My Story

One of my facebook friends openly admits her anxiety when it comes to dieting and maintaing her loss. I abolsutely understand, when I gained thirty pounds back I was so upset but I am trudging a long an keeping on going. I have kept 50 off. I just hate it because clothes that used to fit are a little tight but I am NOT a 26 anymore which is great and my other clothes are starting to fit.

Anxiety is an emotion I know all too well as I suffer from GAD that is debilitating at times and am treated for it since I was a teen and child. Right now my current obession is that I have too many pens on my desk in my pen holder ( bad office supply habit) so in the middle of my homework I ordered a new desk organizer from amazon, I swear my family keeps that place in buisness.

I am thinking about what has happened to me over the past few months and how most people would have become a complete mess of themselves an binge eat. I never was a binge eater at all, even at my heaviest I WAS NEVER a binge eater. I was the type of person that would eat, work out and then have a burger so the weight would pile on.

Now I am not that person anymore. Optifast taught me to eat healthfully and mindfully. In the beginning of the plan I was the model patient, I followed plan to a tea and lost and lost and even made it into my doctors success stories. Then it happened I got cocky, hey I did this I can have food it all started with a nibble of this or a nibble of that. And then the self sabotage talk started at night when my anxiety is at its height before meds kick in 

" I am going to be good tomororw, I promise myself." 

" Back on ff".

Then my Mother would turn to me and tell me shut up. And I would then revert into a child for god sakes I am an intelligen woman. I knew deep down in my heart the plan was not working for me but I am the type of person that has to come to decisions on her own. 

Every week I dilligently went to clinic and tried and tried but my body craved food good any type of food. 

Mostly this type of food , even before when I was almost 330lbs I NEVER ate this type of food that much. Now I found myself picking at it and just gorging myself I mean binging on anything I could get my hands on

I knew there was a problem.  

Fast forward to June thirty pounds gained and I and lost my job. I woke up the next day and signed up for Weight Watchers and told my clinic I was not coming back. They fought and fought to get me to come back I said I am DONE, I will come back if I ever need too but I am done. In the end it I almost UNDID a years worth of hard work. I knew something had to change. So I got on to my laptop and typed in www.weightwatchers.com. I signed up and that was it. 

I felt alive again I could eat food! I skipped breakfast had my last optifast product grabbed my keys and Moms CC and went to the store. I loaded up on fresh fruits, veggies, Quest Protein Bars, Egg Whites, Whole Grain Bread, WW products. I had to relearn how to shop again and even cook I am NOT lying. 

WhenI came home I said screw this I am done. I sold my optifast supplies and did not look back.  And here I am two monhs later and 8lbs down. I am so happy with weight watchers if you eat a bit more one day you get right back on the next day and there is no rapid gain. I felt with Optifast that if I ate even a morsel of chicken I gained weight which was true. 

Gone are the following for me 

1. HAVE NOT BINGED ONCE! 

2. According to my Italian Mother my color is back 

3. I am working out six days a week

4. I still incorporate shakes and protein bars into my diet as snacks or breakfast 

5. I am trainin harder than ever again 

6.  I feel alive 

My Honest Opinopn on Optifast ( Dont Shoot Me) 

Optifast is a great plan is you are severly over weight as I was. But it is meant to be a short term solution and I should have joined a different clinic. My clinic was not comprehensive, I had to look elsewhere for support and thank god I had that. It was weigh in buy product. I feel someitmes it is about the money and that the doctors do not have the training. I noticed people coming back year after year after year trying this and keep on trying it. One time as much as I love my Opti Doc, she said to me that I should try therapy I looked right at her and said I AM A ON MEDS! She should have known that. Not anyone is gonna prescribe ADHD meds. Then this same person then ran bloods and through I had a problem with my estrogen and I could be pregnant she knew I was on BC pills! 

Does it Even Work?

So after finishing my facebook chat with my friend Tammy last night it got me thinking. I sat there munching on my lychee fruit?

So many of you are wondering now what is Katie doing now?

WELCOME TO WEIGHT WATCHERS AND POINTS PLUS!

What got me here to this point?

I love food and cooking and love healthful cooking. It all started with one bite that got completely out of control for me. There I was sitting and enjoying being with my family eating my optifast and I asked my Mom for some of her salad and chicken she got up and goes HERE took my soup from me and put down a plate of grilled chicken, broccoli or rabe and salad. Perfectly healthy meal and infact delicious. I stared at it and said I cant eat it I am going to gain weight...

The next day I quit my job and I knew it had to be done.

I signed up for weight watchers and have not looked back since?

Why did I choose weight watchers?

1. It has been around a long time I lost 20lbs on it years ago and have kept it off.
2. It encourages healthy eating but allows you to have some fun too
3. Its a slower loss but healthful

A Little Bit about Me and Life After Liquid

The title of this blog came to me on the elliptical this morning.. and I was thinking about how FAR I have come from the the 330lb girl I used to be. As I was trudging away I thought to myself wow I have come far and I still have  aways to go but I HAVE come far!

It has taken me a long time to get this point in my life and I have to say I could not be happier with my health outcomes. Weight has always been an issue for me in my life and no matter what I tried to do I finally am winning the battle.

After, deciding to do Optifast and losing a whopping 81lbs, I thought I could beat the system and eat what I wanted well 30lbs crept back on making my total net loss 50lbs I MEAN that still is incredible. As some of my other Optifast and Weight Loss friends say once you catch a gain it is good to act on it. For me there were a lot extenuating circumstances in my life that unfortunately lead to the gain. I was trying to do the optifast going between full fast and partial fast and I could not do it any more.

It was getting expensive and unhealthy

I AM NOT saying Optifast does work it works it actually does work well. But lets all not be delusional here most of us who lose weight will gain it back and I want to be out of the 5 percent.

So I am going to list my health problems that were caused by Optifast

1. Emergency Surgery
2. No money its expensive
3. Pickle eating
4 Binges non stop binges toward the end

I had started out really strong and even recruited a good friend from grad school onto it as well. She stopped it before her wedding she is returning to school in the fall to do her Doctorate and she goes to me last night on Facebook Chat " Katie does it even really?"

It got me thinking that there has to be a life after liquid...